JOHN MAJOR VIRUS

Restricts your monitor to 16 levels of grey.

HESELTINE VIRUS

Deletes 31 files but claims 11 can be recovered.

BRITISH RAIL VIRUS

90% of all files loaded arrive 20 mins late due to the wrong type of interleave. Disables carriage return.

BRITISH GAS VIRUS

It won't do anything now but it will send two viruses around next week.

GUARDIAN VIRUS

Corrupts your spell checker. Puts the first word of any title into italics and deletes the following space.

BNFL VIRUS

When you delete a file it remains on your hard disc for 24,000 years by which time it will have shrunk to half its original size.

AA VIRUS

It doesn't do any harm itself but it knows a virus that can.

TRAFFIC CONE VIRUS

Slows down the bus and all other traffic and has a tendency to to occur on bank holidays.

CRYSTAL PALACE VIRUS

Takes up a lot of space but doesn't actually do anything.

ASCII VIRUS

Draws a small comedian on the screen, singing silly songs.

IRISH VIRUS

Deletes itself.

DYSLEXIA VIRUS

Messes about with your flies.

STAR TREK VIRUS

Boldly goes where no other virus has gone before.

JOHN SMITH VIRUS

The best virus we never had.

PRISON BREAKOUT VIRUS

Hides all your files in a cake.

WINONA RYDER VIRUS

Turns floppy discs into hard ones.

AYRTON SENNA VIRUS

Crashes any high speed hard disc.

NATWEST ATM VIRUS

Removes 200 bytes from each of your files and then claims that sort of thing just isn't possible.

FRED WEST VIRUS

Chops up your files then buries them under the motherboard.

WEST MIDLANDS SERIOUS CRIME VIRUS

Alters all your files (but doesn't hide the changes) then claims that your data fell down the stairs.

KYLIE MINOGUE VIRUS

Infects your files for a period of time, then disappears without leaving a trace.

MUSSOLINI VIRUS

Hangs your system - from a lamp-post.